to love or to be loved?

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Permalink Reply by Shoreen on April 22, 2008 at 1:07am

A PS ... on Barbara's last line, the question...

My daughters have alluded to this scenario regarding my situation.

I think it may be very convenient for the guy.
No real commitments, no one to answer to bc we are not living together etc. Can come and go as he pleases pretty much living by himself, and all the rest of what you get in a relationship without the commitment, although that is quickly dying on my end. I am starting to feel like I am being used, since it's been nearly 4 yrs. and no engagement ring, just talk and the excuse that my daughter is in the way and he is waiting for her to go to University in Sept. Well what if she doesn't go for some reason.
I would also be afraid that if we did live together, if he had a hissy on me, I would not be able to go home to my own place like I can now. I would be 'stuck'.
I am quite confused I'll tell ya. He tells me everyday that he loves me, and helps me with some financial things, and says he would like me to become a part owner of his business one day. When I have been cold toward him and not answered his calls, he said he is sad and cries. I don't know what is up w him. If he is genuine with me or not. He is 59. I am in my mid-late forties and everyone tells me I look like I am in my early thirties and some have thought he was my father. My daughter's friends have told them I am a MILF. (their way of complimenting me on my looks)
there you have it.

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Permalink Reply by Barbara Siragusa on April 22, 2008 at 3:51am

You deserve better.......

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Permalink Reply by Oksana on April 22, 2008 at 4:29pm

Of course, you deserve better. You write it by yourself, maybe he really just uses you, or maybe he really loves you and he's the kind of person who cannot behave very well... It's difficult to tell, but I think you shouldn't hurry to marry him...

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Permalink Reply by Shoreen on April 22, 2008 at 11:57pm

Thank you for the advice.

Sorry my blogs were so long. I am obviously very troubled to write such detail and length.

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Permalink Reply by Oksana on April 23, 2008 at 4:27pm

When you write something or explain it to somebody you understand it better by yourself. I hope now you can see the whole picture more clearly....

Permalink Reply by GlamourGirl on April 25, 2008 at 2:42pm

That's okay. We understand the situation better with your detailed explanations.

Permalink Reply by Ice on May 1, 2008 at 12:28pm

Looking at your posts, I can see that youre not happy with him.

Permalink Reply by GlamourGirl on April 25, 2008 at 2:41pm

I agree with Oksana. Dont put your marriage into a rush especially if the situation is like that.

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Permalink Reply by Helen on May 8, 2008 at 8:22am

If you already have such fears like "he can get hissy on you" - imho, you should stop these relationships... they look not very good...

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Permalink Reply by Ice on May 8, 2008 at 2:49pm

If youre not happy, you should let go. You need to be more open to him.

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Permalink Reply by Shoreen on May 8, 2008 at 5:53pm

thank you for the replies and insights ladies.

Ice - do you mean that I should be more up front with him about how I really feel about the relationship and that I do not think it will work out?

He wants to hang on to it and calls a lot, even when I ignore calls bc I don't want to talk. I am at the point now where I am tired of all of his baggage, deceitfulness in small ways, like will not say he stopped at a bar or took his grown kids to lunch bc he thinks I will get mad. I really can't handle being w someone who has a lot of history either. 2 marriages, kids by each, live ins after that and all the rest of it. It's like it's a constant reminder of it all when he sees them, and he always seems to put them before me. He will make plans with them on a weekend and then tell me about it and then ask me if I want to be involved. I usually don't want to for various reasons. He is just not what I am looking for I guess. If you can't trust what your guy tells you, think he's always leaving something out bc he does so many times, and all the rest....I just want a normal 'family man' type of guy. Even it's a guy who is raising a child who's wife died or something. I know one like this that I met once but now I can't find him.

Permalink Reply by GlamourGirl on May 9, 2008 at 2:50pm

Shoreen, It shows that youre in great pain but Ice is right. You need to be upfront with him. I dont think you love him if you are bothered with so many things about him. All men have their flaws just like us and if you really love the guy, you will be more than willing to accept everything about him and same with the guy.

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