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BF has serious attitude/ego problem
I think my boyfriend is being really pissy over something I didn't think was a big deal. We were talking the other day about sports we no longer take part in but used to enjoy and I mentioned that I used to do judo in college and was pretty good, even though i only received a beginner's yellow belt.
He thought this was hilarious because I'm tall and blond and weigh around 125lbs, and I guess he didn't think that a pretty girl could fight her way out of a paper bag, much less do a martial art.
So when he got done laughing at me (he really was laughing) I challenged him to a wrestling match. Long story short, I used some timely leg sweeps and wrist throws to send him to the floor a few times, and after a while he got so tired that his strength advantage was gone, and I was able to pin him.
Well, I figured he would have learned his lesson, but he's totally bent out of shape about it...he's been pouty and obnoxious ever since the match and keeps challenging me to a rematch, saying I got lucky, and that he wasn't trying hard...all this stuff to protect his macho ego.
So what do I do? Give him a rematch and let him win? (He would totally rub it in my face and say things like "I told you women can't fight"). Or agree to a rematch and try my best again, risking another blow to his ego if he loses? Or just refuse and tell him to deal with it? (I've tried that last option and he just won't let it go). What would you do? Any help appreciated.
He thought this was hilarious because I'm tall and blond and weigh around 125lbs, and I guess he didn't think that a pretty girl could fight her way out of a paper bag, much less do a martial art.
So when he got done laughing at me (he really was laughing) I challenged him to a wrestling match. Long story short, I used some timely leg sweeps and wrist throws to send him to the floor a few times, and after a while he got so tired that his strength advantage was gone, and I was able to pin him.
Well, I figured he would have learned his lesson, but he's totally bent out of shape about it...he's been pouty and obnoxious ever since the match and keeps challenging me to a rematch, saying I got lucky, and that he wasn't trying hard...all this stuff to protect his macho ego.
So what do I do? Give him a rematch and let him win? (He would totally rub it in my face and say things like "I told you women can't fight"). Or agree to a rematch and try my best again, risking another blow to his ego if he loses? Or just refuse and tell him to deal with it? (I've tried that last option and he just won't let it go). What would you do? Any help appreciated.
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Oksana on -
Oh, I don't know that's a very interesting situation...
I had the same problem with some boys, because I was smarter than they were. My mom always told me not to show a man that you are smarter, because they don't like when women are better. You have the same problem but with strength:) You showed him that you can be more strong... and of course he doesn't like it.
I don't know what to do in this case: I hate when men underestimate my intellect and treat me like someone who knows less than they do, but when I show them that I'm smart some of them are really afraid of it. Men always want to be better... But still I think that it's better to be myself in each situation, I like men who have enough self-confidence to admit that you can be better in some things or who are really smarter than me:)
I think your boyfriend has to admit that you have won and you can be more strong... And it's better to forget about this situation and do not give him a rematch. If you let him win in a rematch that will be not you....
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Permalink Reply by GlamourGirl on -
I guess you should go for a rematch. You should show him that women can do better.
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Permalink Reply by jennie on -
Thanks, Glamour Girl!
I actually did finally agree to a re-match b/c he wouldnt let up & keeps saying "i got lucky", "theres no way i can lose to a girl" yadda yadda, and so i was like 'y'know what, fine...if you want to risk another match w/me its up to you--and i'm going to try my best & if you lose again i hope you can be mature about it"....so we're going to wrestle again tomorrow....I will let you know how it goes! Thanx for being supportive ;-)
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Permalink Reply by jennie on
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Hi Oksana!
sorry i forgot to update, but basically, he lost again. His attitude going in was the same: I can beat her b/c i'm stronger.
So he kept trying to grab me around the shoulders and throw me down, but he didn't pay attention to what my legs were doing (i have very long legs and whenever he moved in close I just got a leg wrapped around the back of his knee, locked it there, then pulled back sharply while pushing his shoulder downward...it's a basic leg sweep technique and he kept losing his balance & falling to the floor)...
then he'd get back to his feet all angry & frustrated, not realizing that repeating that effort was getting him winded...then he tried grabbing my wrists, but a key self-defense technique i learned even b4 starting judo is to immediately ball your hands into a fist when your wrist is grabbed, then twist sharply outward...even if your opponent keeps hold of the wrist he'll be thrown off balance by the sudden movement...that's what happened when he tried it the first time, and again, since my legs are pretty long i just shot out my foot and caught his ankle as he was hopping to one side to keep his balance and he was down on the floor again...
The next time he grabbed my wrists I did the same thing but this time he couldn't hold on and when I broke his grip i went on the offensive and grabbed him under the shoulder and slung him across my hip...he kind of went flying a little b4 he hit the floor, and he went down pretty hard (the first thing they teach you in judo is how to roll w/a throw, but he didn't know how to do that so he kind of went "thump" on his side when I threw him, and I was worried that he may have been hurt...he was also clearly out of energy by this time--he was on all fours, trying to catch his breath b4 getting back up, and I just said 'OK, I think we should stop', and he goes 'No...I just need a second', and I was like "This is too dangerous...I don't want to hurt you"....and then he's like "You didn't pin me, so you don't win"....and i just rolled my eyes and was like "Ummm...you can barely catch your breath...I just threw you to the floor for like the millionth time, and I haven't broken a sweat yet...I think it's clear I beat you"...
And then he got up and looked mad, like he was going to come at me again, so i went into a fighting stance & looked him right in the eye and said "it's up to you", and I could tell he was thinking about whether he could stand another throw, and then he goes "Forget it--it's a draw...you didn't pin me & you quit the match so no one wins"....and I just said "Fine, whatever" and walked away.
He's still licking his wounds and we haven't talked about what happened (the match was only last week), but i KNOW he's going to challenge me again....he's probly thinking about new ways he can try to beat me, and how it is that he weighs like 170lbs and his 125lb GF just kicked his butt again.
I'm not interested in baby sitting him on this anymore...I said "let's take classes together" and his response was "I dont need to know judo to beat a girl"...so what else am I supposed to do??? If he's dumb enuff to challenge me again I'll probly justhand him another humiliation....wish he'd grow up, though. :-(
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Permalink Reply by Ice on -
Imagine yourself getting married with that type of attitude, what would you do? You better think now.
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Permalink Reply by jennie on
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I jknow, I know...but we're both pretty young (24), and i'm not even thinking anywhere close to marriage w/ ANYONE at this point--not just him. I just keep wishing he'd grow up and deal w/it...have you ever challenged a guy's ego lke this by beating him at somethng physical? maybe if my BF sees it's not just him he'll get over it..
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Permalink Reply by GlamourGirl on
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I guess he thinks he has been beaten emotionally bcoz of his ego.
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Permalink Reply by jennie on
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But is it MY fault? Should I have just faked it and let him pin me & then been like "OK, it's true, your a guy so I should have known you would beat me b/c i'm only a girl"???
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Permalink Reply by Helen on -
If he hasn't grew up yet - he won't do it in future...
But you may try to talk to him. May be it is possible to change his attitude. If you reallly care him - show this, explain him how important he is for you... But if he doesn't listen - you shouldn't waste your time.
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Permalink Reply by Oksana on
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Jennie, it's not your fault, you shouldn't blame yourself. Be yourself, you did what you can. He has to admit that. It doesn't mean that you are more strong it's just the techniques, you know judo, he doesn't. Try to explain that to him and do not make another rematch:)))
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